(nl) wrote: When I die, I'm probably going to Hell. And, when this happens, I am convinced that there will be a particular collection of films waiting there to eternally torment me. Boat Trip is one of those films. Boat Trip is a miserable, laugh-free comedy that wants to be an edgy, politically-incorrect comedy and failing disastrously in the most horrific of ways.The plot focuses on two guys: Jerry and Nick. Jerry's girlfriend broke up with him, and Nick is an annoying single slob who is constantly horny. Hearing that singles cruises would be a great way to pick up women, Nick convinces Jerry to come with him on a singles cruise, but Nick ends up pissing off the travel agent who instead puts them on a gay singles cruise.The two men are horrified by this revelation, especially as men constantly flirt with them and they are stuck trying to convince everyone that they're actually straight until Jerry is saved from drowning during a drinking binge by a beautiful woman whom he grows to fall in love with, but pretends to be gay just so he can be near her.Things also take a strange turn when Nick accidentally shoots down a helicopter with a flare gun (After trying to signal for help for the helicopter to save him from the gay cruise). It turns out the helicopter contains hot Swedish models who board the ship and Nick tries to seduce these women, but has to contend with their coach. He also pretends to be gay for certain scenarios in this film.Now, the two men must try to hold up their lies for the women they're in love with, while also getting involved in a bunch of gay scenarios. Hilarity ensues...or at least, there was supposed to be humor.I'm not saying this premise couldn't have worked, but certainly not in this case. Boat Trip's plot is so feeble and poorly constructed that it collapses in a matter of minutes, as it has worse structural integrity than a house of cards during a hurricane. When I'm instantly aggravated by a comedy less than three minutes in, I know that I'm in for a total shitstorm of a comedy.Now, look, although I'm gay, I don't have a problem with politically-incorrect humor, or even if a film has excessive uses of the word "faggot." I honestly don't care, as I find that it's no fun to be politically-correct. If I felt that Boat Trip had been made well, even through its many depictions of crass gay stereotypes or lines of dialogue that would be considered derogatory, I would have praised it had I found it funny. But, let's get this straight: this isn't South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, Blazing Saddles, or Slap Shot, which were great, hilarious, and very well made politically-incorrect comedies.Boat Trip is a desperate comedy that relies entirely on the most crass gay stereotypes that would be hard-pressed to make 12-year-olds laugh You've got cross-dressing gays, very effeminate gays, men who constantly flirt with every man they see, gay men obsessed with disco music or Liza Minelli - you name it, this film probably has every brand of gay stereotype imaginable. The whole film seems to work on, "LOOK HOW GAY EVERYTHING IS!" You've even got a gay buffet where there are penis ice sculptures, penis-shaped food items. There's also situational humor where the two friends accidentally do gay things together and pretend at some points to be a gay couple, and many other badly done gay-themed jokes. All the jokes grow tiresome very quickly as none of them have insight about gays and aren't brave enough to go the full distance of bad taste humor. It's not brave, insightful, and certainly not funny.On top of unfunny gay jokes, the viewer is mercilessly barraged with insufferable sex jokes, and not only gay ones either. There's a scene where the character Nick ends up having a sexual encounter with the old female coach of the modeling team, and she ends up pursuing him. You've got dick jokes, condom jokes, sexual puns, masturbating jokes, semen jokes - pretty much everything...and all of it is unfunny and poorly done. None of the sex jokes are even offensive, they're just tiresome, annoying, and feel very run-of-the-mill. I'm sure you could find teenagers who could write more interesting sex jokes than what the writers of this piece of shit could do.Piled on top of bad gay jokes and bad sex jokes, are bad romantic comedy jokes combined with a horrible blend of slapstick, screwball, and scatological humor. This film comes with a plethora of romantic comedy jokes about lying, winning back love, an ex trying to win Jerry back, and more. As I have already gone on for so long about how unfunny this film is, I'll try to keep it short now: the film basically tries to blend several different types of comedy and fails completely and utterly at all of them.The acting is also quite awful. There is not a single performance from any cast member, and it feels like the idiot director just left the cast to their own devices in an intense battle of wills between them and the script. No one, no matter how good they are, could salvage this material, but it's especially painful to watch the once-promising Cuba Gooding, Jr. fall so far and so hard from his stardom. His performance is by far the absolute worst as he is forced to be over the top in a very annoying and grating way. Horatio Sanz played an annoying and despicable character who got on my nerves within the very first scene he is featured in. No character is likable, interesting, or really anything for that matter - they simply exist, though they shouldn't.With its horrible story, horrible acting, horrible plethora of insufferable jokes, crass stereotypes, inept direction, and everything else, Boat Trip is a film I wish I could rate zero stars, but instead must award it a generous half-star rating, though it in no way deserves it. It is a film that will not even allow the 12-year-old demographic to laugh at it because it is so ineptly written and is never particularly edgy, even though it wants to be. Needless to say, this isn't just one of the worst comedies I've ever seen, but one of the worst films, period.