(it) wrote: *SPOILERS* ( Not like it really matters :) )Well, well, where do I start on my review of this movie?"The Pod People" (1983) in my opinion is probably the worst movie that I have ever seen in my life. Everything about it makes me angry a bit at the cinematic world for allowing such trash to ever be released in a theatrical setting, or heck, even inside your own home. After watching this movie, you will most likely want to purchase yourself a large punching bag to vent your rage at the visual anthrax that was shoved forcefully into your eyes. Really, the production team of this movie was trying to kill you.Again, where do I begin on this garbage? Well...I guess from the movie's start.Immediately things are already terrible at the film's opening credits. No lie, the credits at the beginning of the movie are placed over a background from an entirely different movie. Really. A totally unrelated second film of which I have no idea to it's identity. It contains some kind of green alien monster killing civilians chasing a glowing rock...or something. Again, this has absolutely nothing to do with "The Pod People" at all.Okay, so the real movie now begins. The first scene of the film starts out with three men out in the woods. These men are nightingale egg poachers who are looking for a great paid day with these eggs, all of them carrying some rather high powered and unusual weaponry (one of the men is actually carrying a very large high tech crossbow) which completely makes sense to use on small six and a half inch birds defending their nests. The setting is extraordinarily foggy, so much that I'm very surprised that these men were actually able to drive safely to this very remote location. This also makes their weaponry null and void if they were to be used on the intention of hunting larger animals or dealing with the park ranger fuzz. The cult T.V. show "Mystery Science Theater 3000" makes mention of this by saying, "This movie has more fog than the movie "The Fog" ". After only about five minutes of watching these men bicker at each other because they all seem to have personality issues, the scene quickly changes to the room of a small boy who wakes up during a dark and stormy night. The boy, named Tommy, looks just like Danny Bonaduce when he was a kid on the Partridge Family. The dubbing on this kid is just terrible. It's like they dubbed his voice with Trixie from Speed Racer. And on this very dark evening of inclement weather, he somehow manages to see a meteor falling from the sky. This meteor crashes near where the poachers were sneaking about. One of the hunters investigates the crash site and finds lots of strange eggs. Without any hesitation, he begins to break them, not even considering what he just found. Shortly thereafter, he is killed by a mysterious creature, presumably the alien, which then takes off into the woods.After two pointless scene changes between the poachers and the kid that add nothing to the new development of the plot line, more new characters are then introduced as a new scene shows a band recording an unintelligible late-fifties tune in a studio. After the jackass lead singer ends the recording early because he's an arrogant jerk, the band decides to go out into the woods, with the singer bringing both of his girlfriends. Yeah I said BOTH of his girlfriends. Haha, well now doesn't that cause some problems. Just so you know, you will come the hate this guy even more as the movie goes on in whatever direction it's going. Anyway, at this point, you can already get the idea that the filmmakers are now trying to make these unrelated scenes (which all seem to be like three separate movies) make sense with a mash-up of alien madness in the woods. Well, I can tell you, the answer is going to be no as they add yet another plot line. In another quick scene change (you'll get used to seeing that a lot), Tommy is randomly at the location of the meteor crash site. Why he's out there, how he found the crash site, and why he's alone is all baffling to me (and to you too). Tommy finds one egg that the moronic poacher didn't destroy and takes it home with him. Sounds like a great idea right? Taking home the egg of a murderous alien? Just wait and see what happens. One of the girlfriends of Mr. Hot Shot Singer falls off a cliff and gets hurt and they find help at the cabin of Tommy and his family. Meanwhile, the poachers are out doing their own thing...which is nothing but berating each other and wandering the woods aimlessly.Oh yeah, that new plot line. The new plot line is where the egg hatches and Tommy now has a new alien pet. He feeds it and it grows more rapidly than someone who eats three Big Macs for three months straight. Now, this is the part where you just sigh and slump in your seat and think, "Oh no they are trying to go the E.T. route. They are going to try to make me love this thing!" Thank god that's not the case because you are going to hate this thing just as much as you hate the singer from the band. First off, the thing is hideous. It looks like a cross between many things which include, but not limited to: a Snuffleupagus, ALF, an aardvark, Cousin It, a pygmy wooly elephant, and many more things that you can thing of. It really doesn't do much except eat a lot, use magic to make stuff in Tommy's room go clay-mation crazy, and not listen to a word Tommy says.The rest of the movie consists of people getting killed by the mother alien one by one. The whole band gets killed except for the singer of course, Tommy loses his booze swindling jerk of an uncle, and the poachers get killed too. Man, these aliens sure make a lot of bloody carnage don't they. Tommy tries to protect the baby alien, whom he nicknames "Trumpy" but that doesn't work because the Trumpy completely ignores Tommy's wise advice of hiding and runs off into the woods. The mother alien corners Tommy and Mr. Jackass Singer becoming a hero by killing it. Tommy tells Trumpy to eff off and he, Mr. Arrogant A-hole Singer Guy and Tommy's aunt walk off into the fog holding each other. Trumpy is left in the woods wondering what the heck he did wrong then...BOOM! There's the end of the movie finally! The ending credits roll with the unknown, unrelated second film in the background with some odd music to go along with it.Congratulations! If you actually watch this, you just survived an even ten times worse than birth, five times worse than an O.J. Simpson murder trial, and two times worse than the War of 1812. This movie should be a centerpiece of what not to do when you have a low budget to make the movie. Everything from the editing, production, story, to dialogue needs to have a biohazard label placed to them to warn the viewer of what they are about to burn their retinas with. I think the things that ticks me off the most is the fact that they could actually make some sort of success from this movie by trying to ride the E.T. popularity wave. That just shows the lack of creativity, the lack of vision, and the lack of direction as you could clearly see the one eighty change they did in the middle of the movie from chaotic alien invasion out for human blood to the cute cuddly alien that they hoped you would not hate.For all intents and purposes, avoid this movie at all costs. I watch this movie on MST3K and truly, without the riffing and commentary provided, I would have shut this off ten minutes into it. But seeing as how I plan to be a film major, I do have to say that a positive aspect that I got was how to dodge to events and steps that could lead to making a POS movie like this.For those who really like to watch MST3K or really bad B-Movies, or if you are going into film and not want to become a failure, then you should see it (prepare yourself though) to take notes or gain some cinematic insight. General movie watchers, save yourselves and the lives of others and avoid this movie.
(it) wrote: Kursosawa really wears the Western influences on his sleeves in this, his debut feature. It's a shame that it exists only in a mangled form - the stuff described by the intertitles sounds fascinating. What survives works though, and there are a few really great stylistic moments that hint at what is to come from Kurosawa down the track. Honestly, it's basically like any other sports movie, I guess, except it's got a bit of moral enlightenment chucked in for good measure. It's not a great film, and it is derivative, but it's worth a look.